Intelligence Report Draft 2

Revised Introduction and Background, add ANALYSIS, it is the same paper on the proposal assignment below but with a revised introduction, background and you have to add analysis. It is due in 7 hours

Here are some comments on the prior assignment, and the format of the paper has to be like the one on the other attachment under sarah

Hi Irving. The format of your paper is incorrect. The professor uploaded an example paper that will help you fix the format of your paper.

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 5:51pm

-Your introductory sentence is a little bit too broad. Try focusing more on your main issue and how it is effecting the U.S.

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 5:52pm

-Try to avoid starting a sentence with an ambiguous pronoun. For example, you start a sentence with “They can lose devices that contain Google’s sensitive….”.

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 5:56pm

-Try to avoid using the passive voice so much. Use the active voice instead when possible. It will sound more professional and formal.

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 5:58pm

-The sentence in your third paragraph that begins with “In the event, a political-data firm,…” does not make sense. The first part of the sentence, “In the event…” does not make sense. Re-word your sentence if possible. Thank you!

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 5:59pm

Try rewording this last sentence of your paragraph. “The victims include the nation as a whole and the citizens because of violation of the nation’s integrity and the citizen’s right of democracy. Either way, the effects would attract concern from the world as a whole”. It is a little confusing. Try making it more clear and concise.

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 6:01pm

-In this sentence: ” Therefore Google’s actions affect their operations in many ways” include a comma after the word “Therefore”.

Susan Obregon , Feb 25 at 6:02pm

Good job with your references!